King of Anything
by kpotter1993
Summary: Sam McIntire's parents wanted a boy. Running a weapons company, they didn't want a target. So they never revealed her gender. Fast forward 16 years and she's a 'problem child.' She's snarky, hates weapons, and loves music. They decide to send her to Ouran Academy to straighten her out. However, she must attend as a boy. Enter the Host Club, who're going to blow that sky-high.
1. Prologue

**(A/N: So this idea has been bouncing around in my head for a while now. I typed the summary of it into my phone like, a two months ago and then forgot about it. Annnnnnnnnnyway, I don't own Ouran High School Host Club…but I do find Kyoya and the twins supermegafoxyawesomehot! Review and enjoy!)**

**King of Anything**

_**Prologue**_

_July 27, 1997_

"It's a girl!" the doctor proclaimed triumphantly, this had been a tough birth on Vivian McIntire.

Her husband, Mel, shared a displeased look with her. They were rather hoping for a boy. In their line of business, weapons manufacturing, there were a rather lot of terrorist organizations that would just love to force them to make them weapons. Now they had a daughter, and she was most certainly going to be considered an easy target. Or maybe not. No one needed to know that their child is a girl.

After the doctor handed over the little girl, he asked them, "What are you going to name her?"

"Sam Alex McIntire. I would appreciate it if you kept her gender a secret." Mel stated with an imposing expression. The doctor nodded unhappily, but he went to go do all of the paper work anyway.

_Yes, _Mel thought. _This will work out fine._

_July 13, 2002_

"Daddy, why don't I ever get to play with other kids?" Sammy asked her dad with a sad expression.

"Because we don't want anyone to know that you're a girl. If the bad people knew that, they'd try and take you away to make us make them weapons. You don't want us to give the bad people weapons now do you?" Mel asked his little blonde daughter.

"Nooooo, but why do you make weapons anyway? If it makes bad people want to get me?" Sammy asked, her light blue eyes brimmed with tears.

"We make weapons so that the army can get rid of the bad people. Tell you what, why don't we set you up with some karate lessons? If you become strong enough, maybe we can let everyone know that you're a girl and you can play with whoever you want." He suggested. It was a lie, he wasn't planning on telling anyone that she was a girl until she got married and had a man to protect her. Sam didn't need to know that.

"Okay!" Sammy said, lighting up. She was going to get super-strong for sure!

_August 8, 2008_

"Daddy, I'm a black belt now. Can I _please_ have a sleep-over with the other students? They don't have to know my last name; we can just go camping or something!" Sammy begged. She had been lonely pretty much her whole life with the exception of her karate lessons. She was homeschooled after all and she just longed for some companionship.

"I can't let you go without adult supervision and once they see me, why, they'll know who you are. And you can bet that they'll let the press know. And then you'll become a target to the terrorists. Why don't we go get you that new guitar you want instead?" Mel suggested with Vivian nodding at his side. She never disputed her husband's lies. It wasn't her place.

"Fine, but I'm not happy about this." Sammy conceded, knowing that her arguments never phased her dad. _All of this is because of those stupid weapons he makes! I hate them!_ Sam thought angrily.

Later, with her new guitar, Sammy felt happy. Her only escape from the loneliness was when she was playing music. It made her room feel less empty.

_Present Day_

"This behavior has got to stop, Sam Alex!" Mel roared at his daughter whom he had just caught sneaking back from whatever concert it was this time. His daughter had greatly changed over the years. She now had triple-piercings in both ears, a lip ring, and a blue streak in her hair. She wore some torn-up plaid skinny jeans, a studded belt, combat boots, and a black corset top. But even more so than her appearance, her attitude had changed. She was snarky, disobedient, and not at all his sweet, compliant little girl.

"What, living? You want me to stop living?" Sam retorted, not impressed with her dad's yelling. After so many times, she just learned to phase it out. All she wanted was to be a musician and have friends. Her parents wanted her to be the model wife for whoever they wanted to help her run their stupid company.

"No, I want you to stop fooling around and for you to get serious about McIntireCo!" He yelled.

"I can't get Sirius, he died in the fifth book remember? Geez, you took me to that movie and everything." She sassed, just to make that one vein in her dad's forehead pop out.

"Cut that out, you know what I meant." Mel seethed.

"And I've told you that all I want is to be a musician! I don't want to help kill people and I refuse to be a trophy wife!" She snapped back.

"I have had enough of this. You mother and I have discussed this-"Sam snorted, more like her father told her mother. Mel glared at her and then continued. "-and we've decided to place you in Ouran Academy in Tokyo to learn how to properly be a business person. However, you must attend as a boy. If you don't comply with that, you're disowned. If your GPA slips below a 4.0, you're disowned. To dispel your grand allusions of a musician's life, you will be living in a small apartment. You will also have to work for any spending money you would like. We will send you grocery money, but if you spend it for anything else…. You will be disowned. This is your last chance to become a proper heiress. Don't mess it up." Her dad's eyes were hard and cruel.

Sam gulped and nodded. As of right now, she had yet to record a demo for her music so she had no money of her own. Perhaps while she was in Japan she could save enough money that it wouldn't matter if she were disowned. She had to give it a try. In the meantime, she'd once again be her father's flying monkey.

**(A/N: So the title of the story came from Sara Bareilles' song "King of Anything," ya'll should give it a listen! Anyway, thanks for reading! Please review!)**


	2. Fences

**(A/N: Thanks for the reviews; they really inspired me to keep writing and speed up my typing! ^^ I've decided that I'm going to use song titles for the chapter titles just because I think it will be fun and it'll also (hopefully) entertain ya'll! This chapter's title came from Paramore. I don't own Ouran (I'm too poor.), please review! Enjoy)**

**Chapter 1: Fences**

_2 weeks later_

Sam hated planes. She really did. The seats were uncomfortable, the food sucks (though she wasn't entirely sure that it was food, some of it looked about ready to crawl away), and there was always a smelly child whose parents were too lazy to go change them. Most of all, she hated the lack of privacy because that meant she had to wear her chest bindings and boy clothes. Granted they weren't too awfully different from her normal clothes, it didn't change the fact that it was harder to breathe with her bindings. Now her chest wasn't enormous, but it wasn't small either. Those bindings had their work cut out for them. One thing she had refused to bend on was her hair. Her parents had wanted to cut it all off, but she flat out refused. She had worked too hard to grow it back after an ill thought out kunai maneuver in a spar with her Sensei. He had been attempting to show her why she must always have her hair tied back during a fight and had taken hold of her golden locks so that she couldn't move away. So she had, being the thoughtless hothead she was, cut her hair between her head and his hand to escape. Not one of her better decisions.

So here she was, being shipped off to Japan. As a boy. As per her parents' orders. _Sigh._ She had had to practice her gruff "boy voice," her stiff-backed "boy walk," and general "boy-ness" for two weeks until her parents were satisfied. They hadn't allowed her to take her guitar with her. It felt like she had an arm missing. Her parents didn't want her to be able to "indulge her useless hobby." That particular phrase made her blood boil. She couldn't hold back a small snarl just thinking about it. Her neighbor, a frail old lady wearing way too much perfume, shifted away uneasily. Whatever. She supposed she _should_ be glad that her parents agreed to send her motorcycle to Japan. If she had lost both of her babies, she might have lost the faint grip she had on sanity. She actually smiled thinking about her beloved bike. It was an MV-Augusta F4CC. Sam had named it Tim. Because it made her giggle, alright? Especially when she remembered her parents' expressions whenever she said something like, "Well, I'm off to go ride Tim!" _Priceless_. She chuckled. Now the old lady looked more alarmed than when Sam had been snarling. She supposed that she shouldn't find it amusing to terrify little old ladies, but she was in such a terrible mood that she felt the need to find humor where she could. Even if it was in poor taste.

She spent the rest of the flight glaring into space and contemplating how she was going to get out from beneath her dad's thumb while not rousing suspicion until she had money of her own. She would never give up on her dream of being a musician.

**### From here on out, anything in Italics is English###**

"_I guess it could be worse." _Sam mumbled to herself after she had gotten out of the cab and looked at her new apartment complex. Hitching up her carry-on, she made her way up the stairs to search for her apartment. "_203…203…HA! Found you!….key…key…oops! Guess I better find the landlady and ask her for my key."_

She was so busy looking around for the landlady's office that she bumped straight into a small brown haired girl who seemed to be close to her age.

"_Sorry…._err…I mean, sorry!" Sam stammered out offering her hand to the poor girl she had bulldozed.

"It's not a problem, you didn't hurt me after all." The girl said with a small smile as Sam helped her up.

"I'm new here; could you please tell me where the Landlady is? I don't have my key yet and I'd like to set this bag down before I maim anyone else." Sam said scratching the back of her head like she practiced; it was her "boy" substitution for biting her lip.

"Not a problem. My name's Fujioka Haruhi, by the way." Haruhi introduced herself as they started walking.

"McIntire Sam, nice to meet you Fujioka-san!" Sam replied with a slight smile. This girl was really nice; perhaps she could be her friend.

"So, what brings you to Japan?" Haruhi asked curiously. She knew that this boy was not from Japan because while his Japanese was very good, it was a bit stiff.

"Ouran Academy. My parents want me to go there so I can learn to be a 'proper businessman'" Sam replied with a grimace and started fiddling with her lip ring so that she wouldn't go into a full-scale rant.

"I go to Ouran as well, what year are you going to be in?" Haruhi asked, trying to steer the conversation in a less dangerous direction.

"I'm going to be in class 2-A." Sam said automatically, still fiddling with her lip ring.

"I'm in class 1-A, so we won't be in the same main classes but maybe we'll be in some of the same electives. Anyway, we're here! I'll see you at school tomorrow, McIntire-sempai!"

"Bye, Fujioka-san!" Sam called after her.

She turned and walked into the Landlady's office and got her key from the woman. It might have been a trick of the light, but the Landlady seemed to be blushing while Sam was talking to her. Sam really hoped it was a trick of the light, because if not….that was freaking creepy! Sam then lugged herself up the stairs, AGAIN and got to her apartment. She finally unlocked it and went in.

Her first impression was that the entire apartment was smaller than her bedroom at home. Sighing, for what felt like the billionth time today, she set her bag down and started unpacking all the boxes that had been shipped here. She put up the cheap dishes her parents had bought her in the tiny kitchen (note to self: learn how the hell to cook), put the cheap towels into the claustrophobic bathroom (no more Jacuzzi for her), and put all of her guy clothes in the closet and dresser. She had, however, snuck SOME of her normal clothes into the boxes. She hid them under the bed her parents had gotten her. It was twin-sized (weren't they so freaking generous) and had a simple oak headboard. Sighing as she put the plain blue sheets and comforter on the mattress, she contemplated the pros and cons of patricide. For the thousandth time since her dad's fateful declaration. Once she was done, she flumped down onto the bed to catch her breath. Damn bindings, this wouldn't tire her out as much if it weren't for them.

After lying there for a bit, her stomach made its demands known. _Maybe I'll hop on Tim and go check out the local food places._ With that thought, she dug through the final box and pulled out her helmet and her "boy" leather jacket. She then went down to the parking garage behind the complex and searched for her baby. Spotting him off in a lonely corner in the back, she all but ran to her poor, lonely bike. Hopping on and turning the key in the ignition, she smiled. It felt good to have a rumbling bike under her again. She exited the garage and looked around her. Seeing no close food places, she decided to explore until she found one.

Settling on a ramen shop two blocks down, she parked on the side of the street, took her helmet off, and placed it on one of the handle bars. She once again hoped that it was her imagination that the girls in the surrounding area were blushing at the sight of her. She knew that she was supposed to look like a boy, but that didn't mean she like being ogled by some random chicks! She was a girl, dammit! A straight one! With her eye twitching a couple of times, she went into the ramen shop and ordered one bowl of pork ramen and some green tea. The server blushed and hurried back to the cook to place her order. _Sigh._ Sam leaned back in her chair and wondered just how offended she should be that she apparently looked very hot as a dude.

"Ooooo!~ He's so broody!"

"And mysterious!"

"Look at the blue-streak in his hair and his piercings! How rebellious!"

"Kyaaaaa!~ He looks foreign, I wonder where he's from!"

By this point, my right eye was twitching almost constantly at those random girls' exclamations. She really wished her ramen would get there soon, or she just might start an international incident. A few minutes later, thank GOD, her food and tea were brought to her by the same blushing waitress. Snapping apart her chopsticks she proceeded to eat her ramen at top-speed, gulping down her tea when she was finished. She tossed down the appropriate amount of money, plus tip, on the table and stalked quickly to her bike. After jamming the helmet back on her head, she sped back to her apartment.

As she lied down in her small bed that night, she could only hope that the girls at Ouran wouldn't be as ditzy as those she had been around tonight.

**####**

Sam jumped and fell out of her bed when her alarm went off at 7. _Stupid tiny-ass bed, I miss my king-sized bed._ Grumbling the entire time, she bound her chest and put on her uniform. She didn't button the shirt all the way up and her tie was loose, but that was how she liked it. She tied her hair into a loose braid and tossed it over her right shoulder. Fishing through that last box once again, she found her Dark Mark necklace and put it on.

Since she hadn't gone grocery shopping yet, she just decided to skip breakfast. She grabbed her new book bag that was filled with note books and pencils, she raced out of her apartment. Pausing to make sure she locked it properly, she noticed that she wasn't the only Ouran student locking their door in a mad dash.

"Hey, Fujioka-san! Would you like a ride to school since we're both headed to the same place?" Sam offered tentatively. She noticed that Haruhi was in the boy's uniform, but decided that it didn't really matter much which uniform her neighbor wore.

"Ummm…sure, if that wouldn't be an imposition." Haruhi replied politely.

"It's no problem at all, 'cause we really are headed to the same place. It wouldn't make sense for one of us to walk while the other drove." Sam replied once again scratching the back of her head. She was still new to talking to people her age. The students at the karate school didn't like her because she never invited them to her house or went to their sleep-overs.

Once they got to her bike, Haruhi gaped and then gulped nervously.

"You can have the helmet if it makes you feel better." Sam offered tentatively.

Haruhi breathed a sigh of relief and said, "Thank you, McIntire-sempai."

After making sure Haruhi had the helmet on properly and had a tight enough grip on her, Sam started up Tim and they were off. Sam smiled slightly at the feel of wind in her hair. It lightened her mood almost as much as playing her guitar. Her mood fell as she sighted the school. If you could call it that. It looked like a big, pink, sparkly Hogwarts.

Haruhi noticed Sam's disbelieving and disgusted expression with amusement and sympathy. After handing Sam back the helmet, she smiled and said, "You'll get used to it after a while, McIntire-san."

"Thanks, you can call me Sam. You see, I am rather angry at my parents for sending me to a PINK_ fucking damn _school and don't want to hear my last name. Also, we're neighbors and we'll be seeing a rather lot of each other as well." Sam growled the first part but softened her tone towards the end.

"No problem, Sam-sempai! You can call me Haruhi. We better get to class; it's going to start soon!" Haruhi said.

"I actually have to go to the office and pick up my schedule, see you later Haruhi-san!" Sam replied as she headed towards the pink monstrosity. Haruhi headed in a different direction so that she could get to the high school section more efficiently. As Sam walked there was the constant sound of girls squealing. She was getting really tired of it, but decided that she might as well say fuck it, and ham it up. She was supposed to be a guy after all. She smirked at a group of the yellow demons and they promptly passed out with nosebleeds. _This could be fun._ She thought with a devious grin sneaking its way onto her face.

**####**

Once she had her schedule, she made her way to her first class. Once she got there, the teacher made her introduce herself. _Well, here goes nothing._

"Hello, my name is McIntire Sam." Sam said with a bit of a grimace. There was a pretty blonde guy in the back bouncing in his seat and it was kind of freaking her out. The hot looking guy with the glasses next to him was pinching the bridge of his nose, obviously fighting off a migraine. The yellow demons were sighing dreamily.

Her teacher was looking at her like he wanted her to say more about herself and she just glared back. She really just wanted to get this class over with. He sighed and then said, "McIntire-san, sit next to Souh-san. Souh-san, raise your hand."

_Oh great, it's the blonde lunatic._ She thought irritably as she ambled over to her seat. Ignoring his attempts to get her attention, she grabbed a notebook and pencil out of her bag and started taking notes lazily. And so it went through their next few classes. Her last class before lunch was US History, so she was pretty much ignoring the teacher and doodling guitars in her notebook. How she missed her baby.

She was so engrossed in her current guitar she was drawing with wings, that she didn't even notice the lunch bell ringing.

"Excuse me, McIntire-san, it's lunch time. Would you like to join Kyoya, I, and some other of our friends?" Suoh asked enthusiastically. Slowly she looked up from her drawings to look at him.

He looked like a golden retriever. Behind him, the hot guy was staring at her calculatingly, like he was trying to learn everything about her just by watching her sit in her desk. She really wanted to say no, but she had no freaking clue where the cafeteria is.

"Sure." She replied with a grumpy expression. She had been hoping to find Haruhi, and knew she probably wouldn't be in the cafeteria because of the bento she had been carrying.

She gathered her things and put them back into her bag, which she left under her desk like everyone else. Turning back to them she said, "Lead on."

"Okay! You're going to love it; we have only the best cuisine from our elite chefs." Suoh enthused as the trio started walking.

"I don't think we introduced ourselves properly, but my name is Ootori Kyoya and the idiot's name is Suoh Tamaki." Kyoya said with what was almost obviously a fake smile.

"Nice to meet you, Ootori-san." Sam responded, trying not to snarl it. She hates fake smiles. No matter how hot the guy who smiled them was.

Suoh kept jabbering on while we walked until we finally made it to the cafeteria. She ordered a steak and salad and wandered over to where Suoh was sitting and waving.

Sam swore it was unfair to have that many cute guys sitting in one place. There was an adorable short guy with blonde hair with big brown eyes sitting next to a tall, handsome guy with black hair and eyes. On the other side of the table were twins that looked like they could be Fred and George Weasely, right down to the impish expressions. Next to them were Kyoya and Suoh. She maneuvered her way over to them mostly pretending like she was too cool to notice the squealing, though her slight grimace probably gave away a slight amount of how irritated she actually was.

"Everyone, this is McIntire Sam." Suoh introduced me when it was clear that she wasn't going to do it herself.

"I'm Haninozuka Mitskuni, but you can call me Honey! And this is Morinozuka Takashi!"

"Mah."

"We're Hitachiin-"

"-Hikaru and-"

"-Kaoru."

"I think I'm going to call you two Gred and Forge." Sam finally said. She smirked slightly at the twins' confused looks. "You two remind me of the Weasley twins from Harry Potter. Their names were actually Fred and George, but they liked to confuse everyone as to who was who so they mixed together their names. Until I know you two well enough to tell you both apart, that's what I'm going to call you. Problem?"

They smirked identically and said, "No problem, Potterhead-san."

She smirked back, "You say that like it's an insult."

The others had been watching this with mild interest. Kyoya looked like he was taking notes on the conversation, Tamaki was laughing, Honey was eating cake, and Mori had the same expression he always had on his face.

"It's a shame my darling daughter couldn't be here to meet you as well!" Tamaki exclaimed. _Wait. What?!_ In fact, Sam had to say that out loud.

"Wait. What?!"

"My darling Haruhi, of course!" Tamaki replied with a grin. The twins were sniggering at Sam's weirded out expression and Kyoya was smirking slightly. Ass.

"Wait… you know Haruhi-san?" Sam asked.

The atmosphere of the table changed in an instant. The twins were looking at her suspiciously and looked like they were plotting something. Morinozuka was actually looking in her direction and Honey had stopped eating his cake. Tamaki was suddenly looking at her like she was a criminal or something. Kyoya had a full-on smirk on his face. "Well this is an interesting development."

"Chill you guys, she's my neighbor. I gave her a ride here this morning." Sam really didn't want to be brutally murdered today.

However instead of calming the guys down, this just made the situation worse. Tamaki now looked clinically depressed, the twins were plotting even more, and Morinozuka frowned slightly. Worst of all, Honey looked serious. Kyoya looked like he was eating this up. Bastard. She glared at him. He just smiled politely.

"Boss, he knows Haruhi is a girl. This is bad." Gred said.

"Why is my knowing that she's a girl so bad?" Sam asked curiously.

"She has a debt to our club that can only be paid if she is seen as a boy." Kyoya said shifting his glasses.

"What sort of club is it?" Sam asked more confused she was before. Her question snapped Tamaki out of his depressed state in an instant. _Does he have a split personality or something?_

"Our Ouran Host Club exists to bring fortune to the ladies." Tamaki explained, his eyes sparkling.

"What fortune?" She asked.

"The fortune of our charming company of course." Tamaki replied as if it were obvious.

Sam blinked and then shook her head, decided she didn't want to hear the logic behind that. (Or lack thereof.) "And how did Haruhi-san come to have a debt to you all?"

"She broke a vase valued at 8 million yen." Kyoya said. "She is repaying us by being a host. Ergo, why her gender must be kept secret. Tell me, how fast is your motorcycle?"

Meaning that one, he knew she had a motorcycle and two, he would find her if she did something he didn't like. Unfortunately for him, that intimidation wouldn't fly with her. "Tell me, do you have a bodyguard?"

A glaring contest ensued, the likes of which made the other hosts scoot away to the far end of the table in fear. Finally Sam said something. "You do realize that I wouldn't actually say anything about Haruhi's gender unless she wanted me to, right? I do have one thing I would like to do however."

"And that is…?" Kyoya asked.

"I would like to join the Host Club to help pay off Haruhi's debt." Sam stated.

The others expressions morphed so quickly into grins (most of which looked slightly evil), and Sam thought, _Shit, what the hell did I just get myself into?_

**(A/N: Phew! *wipes imaginary sweat off forehead* That is the longest chapter of anything that I've ever typed! Anyway, I chose Fences by Paramore for the chapter title because it just seem to fit that "fuck it" moment Sam had. Anyhoo, please review! Thanks!)**


	3. Crazy Train

**(A/N: Sorry about going poof for a few weeks! I had my cousin's wedding, guests for a week, then I got heat exhaustion from Warped Tour, and then my brain decided to hide all my inspiration for this fic. I don't own Ouran (I'm a commoner.) and I don't own any music I mention either. Thanks for the reviews, keep'em coming!)**

**Chapter 2: Crazy Train**

After class, she walked to where the hosts said to find them. _Music Room #3, eh? Maybe they have a guitar lying around that they'd let me borrow…._ That thought died when she walked in. And saw a tropical forest and not an actual music room. _Crazy, they're all crazy! Why did I sign up for this again?! Maybe if I back out slowly, they won't notice…_ Another thought was brutally slaughtered as Tamaki and Kyoya spotted her walking slowly backward toward the door.

"Ah, there you are McIntire-san. You were very nearly late." Kyoya said, once again with that fake smile.

"Now, I could mistaken….but doesn't the sign say that this is a MUSIC ROOM? It looks like I just walked into a green house, feels like it too." Sam yanked on her collar.

"What better way for our princesses to escape the cold, than for us to provide a tropical paradise? Real gentlemen don't feel the need to be covered up anyway." Tamaki continued on that string for a while so Sam decided to ignore him. When she turned back to Kyoya he was holding up a black skirt like thing and a black snake shaped arm-band. _Not bad, but I can't exactly go shirtless. Hmmm…_

"Is there some way I could wear a shirt with that or something? I've got an embarrassing scar on my chest I'd rather not display to the world. I'll wear the skirt or whatever that thing is." Sam requested with a look on her face that dared Kyoya to refuse.

"Mori-sempai has some work out shirts you can choose from in the dressing room. You may want to hurry, the club opens soon." Kyoya said with a put-upon expression.

"Thanks, dude!" She called over her shoulder. The twins were laughing at Kyoya's expression when she called him dude.

**####**

"Welcome." We all said. Then we noticed it was Haruhi. She was staring at us with disbelief.

"My calendar says it's still early spring." She deadpanned. "And why is Sam-sempai here? And why is he holding a snake on his shoulders?"

"I sat with the club here at lunch and decided 'why not?' As to Cuddles here, he looked lonely." Sam explained her part in this insanity and patted the ball python that was constricting a bit around the back of her neck. _HA! Her expression is priceless!_

"Do you have a problem with how we run our club? Remember you owe us a debt of 8 million yen." Kyoya said with a cold glint in his eye and that damn fake smile gleaming on his face.

"Hurry, my daughter! I got you a matching outfit to mine! We need to make full use of amazing heating system in here!" Tamaki gushed, putting an arm around Haruhi who looked highly unimpressed. "This club will be like a never-ending summer!"

"That's funny, because I just felt a massive chill." Haruhi once again deadpanned. _She's gotta teach me that._

Then Haruhi refused to put on the dress that Tamaki showed her and Sam didn't blame her, not only did it look ridiculous but wasn't the point of her dressing in a boy's uniform that no one would find out that she was a girl? Sheesh. Dumbass.

**####**

"Ne, Sam-kun, how can you stand to have that huge snake on your shoulders?" questioned dandelion number three as Sam had labeled her.

"He looked lonely so I decided to be his friend." Sam replied with an only slightly sarcastic smile. She really did love animals, but this snake had just slithered onto her randomly. She just had no urge to move it. The dandelions went into full fan-girl mode.

"Kyaa!~ So brave and manly!"

"He's so kind to animals!"

"That devilish smirk is like a breath of fresh air!"

Sam took this opportunity to look around the room to see what the other hosts were doing. The twins were all over each other which disturbed her, Tamaki was being cheesy which amused her, Haruhi was being kind which made her happy, Honey was being cutesy which made her want to hug him, Mori was being strong and silent which made her respect him (Honey was climbing all over him), and Kyoya was being unfailingly polite which made her curious about if he ever loosened up. Noting his clipboard, she snorted. _Not likely._ Turning back to her guests, she decided to be more sociable so as not to get nagged at by Kyoya.

"So, what type of music do you all like?" Sam asked them. She could talk about music forever and not have to fake her enthusiasm. She just would have to be careful to keep her voice in check.

"I like classical. It's so soothing and romantic." The first dandelion sighed, Sam thought her name was Megumi.

"I can understand that, it's the first type of music you learn to play on any instrument and there's just something so satisfying about playing it. It stirs the soul of just about anyone." Sam responded excitedly, her eyes sparking. She really missed her guitar. Two of the dandelions sighed with hearts in their eyes.

"Do you play an instrument Sam-kun? You sound so empassioned, I could hardly think anything else!" Dandelion 2….maybe Akane? asked.

"I have played the guitar for many years, I really wish I could play something for you ladies but my parents wouldn't let me bring it with me to Japan." Sam said with genuine regret.

The dandelions looked genuinely sad and sympathetic…..maybe she should stop calling them dandelions.

"Why wouldn't they let you bring it?" Megumi asked.

"They don't support my passion for music. They think it's useless and that I should focus on being the perfect businessman. But don't you ladies fret; as soon as I am able I will buy a new guitar and play for you all." Sam declared with a fierce expression. The customers squeed, reverting to their fangirl-ish tendencies. _Ah well, at least I know they're all right people under the air-headedness. This host club lark might not be that bad. And I get to help Haruhi with her debt. I think it is pretty ridiculous for the club to charge her for that accident._

"So, are you excited for the party?" Akane asked.

"What party?" She asked, confused.

"The host club is throwing a party this weekend in the Grand Ball Room." Megumi replied.

"Hm, that doesn't sound like my scene exactly. However, I think I could handle it with you all there." Sam laid on the charm. If she were hosting, she might as well do it thoroughly. She had kind of dropped the ball earlier. _Are those nosebleeds natural? Should I get the nurse?_

In any case, it was time for her next appointments. She was saying, " 'Sup?" to her new batch of dandelions when she heard Tamaki squawk across the room. From what Sam could tell, one of Tamaki's regulars had decided to switch to Haruhi. Sam smirked. That was just too funny. _But, back to business… _She turned back to her guests.

**####**

After the club closed, Sam changed back to her uniform as fast as she could. She didn't want to be caught without a shirt on. That reminded her…. She walked over to Mori.

"Mori-sempai, thank you for letting me borrow your shirt." Sam thanked, bowing slightly as she had learned from her Sensei.

"Mah." was Mori's response as he ruffled her hair.

Sam grumbled, trying to fix her hair back into the loose braid it had been in. This caught the twins' attention. They practically ran over with a scheming gleam in their eyes. This did not bode well.

"What's with the long, girly hair anyway?" Gred (maybe Hikaru) asked.

"Yeah, we should make it into a more flattering style." Forge (probably Kaoru) said grabbing the tip of Sam's braid. Neither of them had noticed the straightening or tensing of Sam's posture. They **did **notice when she spun around.

"Touch. My. Hair. Again. And. I. Will. Break. You." Sam growled with a demonic gleam in her eyes as she grabbed Kaoru's hand and yanked it away from her precious locks. They meeped and hastily retreated. Sam could hear grumblings of "scary" and "violent new toy." Her eye twitched. Like she had used even an ounce of her full strength. Hell, they were lucky she half-expected them to invade her personal space; otherwise, they might have been thrown across the room.

"So, Haruhi-chan, do you want a lift home?" Sam asked, wanting to get home at a reasonable time. Plus, she still needed to go to the grocery store.

"Sure." Her fellow cross-dresser replied.

"See ya'll later!" Sam called over her shoulder.

**####**

Sam surveyed her cart and nodded. It looked about right. It was full of ramen packets, fruit, rice, chicken, and pocky. Sure, it wasn't completely healthy but it was all she could cook. Plus most of the food here was completely unknown to her. Her parents had spent so much time on making her a convincing boy that they had neglected the silly things such as: Japanese food, how to cook said food, and how much it should cost. _Shows what their priorities are._ Sam was radiating rage by the time she got to the check out. Needless to say, that cashier checked the items at record speed. Sam paid quickly and left.

On her way home she kept an eye out for "Now Hiring" signs to make a note of and apply to later. Glancing around, she stopped in her tracks. Could she really be that lucky?

There was a music store that had a "Help Wanted" sign in the window. She ran all the way back to her apartment so that she could put away the perishables in the fridge. After that, she went to her room and changed into the most presentable boy clothes she had: a black button-up shirt, dark washed boy skinny jeans with a chain on them, and her nice combat boots. Her hair was fine, so she left.

Taking a closer look at the music store, she realized that its name is "Rock On." It made her grin. _Sounds like my type of place._ She walked in straight to the counter where a man who looked like he had been 'rocking on' since before she was born. He had tattoos all up one arm, long black hair in a ponytail, pierced ears, and laugh lines ever so slightly around his eyes and mouth. Sam would place him to be in his forties.

"Hello, I'm McIntire Sam. I saw your sign; could I please have an application?" Sam asked respectfully, which she admitted was rare with her when it came to adults. She fiddled with her lip-piercing while the man scrutinized her.

"Honda Asuma. There is no application. I will ask you some questions and if I like you I will hire you." Mr. Honda declared with steely eyes.

"Ask away then, sir." Sam replied, kind of intrigued. Mr. Honda surveyed her expression and then nodded.

"Why do you want to work here?" he asked.

"Music is my passion." Sam replied simply.

"Do you play an instrument?" was his next question.

"Yes, I play the guitar." Sam replied, trying not to sound sad at thinking of her missing appendage.

"For how long?" Mr. Honda asked.

"For 5 years." Sam answered.

Mr. Honda grabbed a random guitar from the wall he had them displayed on and handed it to her. "Play something."

Sam thought about it for a second and then, after tuning the instrument and fishing a guitar pick out of her pocket, started playing the higher part of the guitar solo from "Never Give In" by Black Veil Brides, obviously she couldn't play two guitars at once. Mr. Honda's eyebrows shot up. Obviously, he had thought that she had been bluffing to get the job. Sam only noticed this peripherally, though. She was in heaven. Playing this guitar made her feel whole again. After she finished, she looked up at Mr. Honda waiting for his verdict. He looked like he was doing some serious thinking.

Finally he spoke. "You have talent, but can you play something classic? Or do you only know this new stuff?"

Without speaking, Sam re-tuned the guitar and played the guitar solo from "Crazy Train" by Ozzy Osbourne. This was one of the most exciting guitar solos Sam had learned. It always got her adrenaline pumping. Mr. Honda looked unwillingly impressed. However, he still had to test her one more time. He grabbed an acoustic guitar and handed it to her as he took the other guitar back. He looked at her expectantly.

Sighing, Sam tuned this guitar, and played "Kryptonite" by 3 Doors Down. It was a favorite of hers.

"So, do I pass your inspection?" She asked with a slight grin. Playing the guitar always improved her mood.

"Sure, brat. You start next Monday. Come in whenever you're done with school and club activities." Mr. Honda grunted.

"Thank you, sir! I'll be here!" Sam said excitedly and she practically floated home.

**####**

Sam woke up early the next day. She had forgotten to go through her katas and usual morning exercises the day before. Granted, she had been exhausted from moving; but her Sensei would kick her ass if she got out of shape by the next time she saw him. Binding her chest, she decided to put on a loose t-shirt and boy athletic shorts and go for a run before starting her katas. She ran around the neighborhood for thirty minutes before doing fifty push-ups and sit-ups. From there, she went through her katas with precision. Getting a whiff of herself, she decided that a shower would be a great idea.

Stumbling into her uniform, she realized that she was running late. She ate a banana in two bites, grabbed her bag and keys, and dashed out of the apartment. Haruhi was nowhere to be seen, so she probably was already well on her way to school by now. Sam dashed to Tim, started him up while shoving her helmet on, and sped off towards Ouran. Right after she parked and locked Tim, she dashed off to her classroom.

She made it just in time. Kyoya was looking at her disheveled state with disapproval, Tamaki was just glad she was here, and the dandelions thought she looked "so dreamy and rebellious." She sat down and re-tied her hair in a more secure low ponytail. She was still breathing pretty heavily while she fished her notebook and pencil out. Like yesterday, she dutifully took notes until US History.

She decided to study her fellow host club members today. Tamaki was staring into space daydreaming but taking notes at the same time. It was very disconcerting. Kyoya was taking his notes dutifully and with precision. Sam noticed that he had dark circles under his eyes. Had he not gotten enough sleep? That had to suck. She got bored soon after that and started doodling guitars again. This time, however, she noticed the bell going off for lunch. She packed her things and turned toward the other hosts.

"Hey." She greeted.

"Hello Sam! How are you today, my son?" Tamaki asked bubbily.

Sam blinked. "Um…..that's not even remotely possible. We're the same age."

As she was speaking a dark cloud of emo-ness descended on Tamaki.

"…did I just….break him? Or is he bipolar?" Sam asked Kyoya, a little freaked out by Tamaki's change in demeanor.

"He takes our host club being a family really seriously. Speaking of family, your parents run McIntire Co….correct?" Kyoya changed subjects rather quickly as though it pained him to talk of Tamaki's eccentricities.

"Yes." Sam replied with a sigh. She hated talking about her parent's destructive business.

"How come that's all I could find out about you online? Surely you went to school or something! I mean, all I could find was your name." Kyoya responded with a gleam in his eye that said he was unused to being uninformed about the people around him. Well, he's just going to have to get used to it.

"First of all, why were you researching me? That's kinda stalker-ish dude. Secondly, my parents are very protective of me because of the business they run. Apparently, I'm a weakness. Never mind the fact that they've had me training in martial arts since I was little." Sam was ranting by the end, and she knew it. Luckily, she was able to keep her voice low-pitched.

"I like to check the background of all of the hosts and our clients. We wouldn't want any unsavory characters, after all." He replied like it was the simplest thing in the world and not all obsessive compulsive.

"Whatever. So, what's on the agenda today?" Sam asked as they walked into the cafeteria.

"We're going to finalize our plans for the party. Do you know how to dance?" Kyoya inquired as they ordered their food.

"Yes, but nothing high class. I only know what I learned at rock concerts. Somehow, I don't think that is what you want me to do at the party." Sam replied with a smirk as they took their seats.

"Definitely not." He replied with a slight smirk. _Hmmm…better than his fake smile._ "It seems that both Haruhi and you will have to learn today."

**####**

"One, two, three, one, two, three,….you're doing it Sam-chan! Now we can take a break for some cake!"

Sam watched her pint-sized sempai skipping off toward the refreshment table of the meeting. Why was he the one teaching her, you may ask. Well, he was the only one in the club shorter than her and that would make it easier for her to learn the lead part. The flip-flopping dandelion was teaching Haruhi. Tamaki was in his emo corner eating ramen sulkily because he couldn't teach Haruhi to dance.

Once Haruhi had the hang of dancing we decided to have some tea. The dandelion apparently knew a lot about tea sets. Sam wasn't paying much attention as she was drinking her tea. She was plotting how she was going to use the money she would save up and calculating how much stuff should cost. Vaguely she noticed the host club making a plan to get the dandelion and her fiancé together. She really didn't want a part in it because it was really none of their business, and if it were true love it would work out in the end.

She would pay for her lack of attention.

**####**

It was half-way through the party when all of the other hosts suddenly disappeared. All of the fan girls turned toward her with a demonic glint in their eyes.

"_Shit."_

**####**

After almost an hour of dancing with several girls per song, Sam felt like she was going to die. The bindings on her chest weren't helping. She was actually starting to get dizzy. Luckily the other hosts chose this moment to show up.

"Well, ladies it appears that I'm needed elsewhere." Sam panted out and then practically ran to where the other hosts were.

The twins were hiding their laughter poorly, Haruhi looked sympathetic, Honey looked worried, Mori was frowning, Tamaki looked uncharacteristically serious, and Kyoya was spinning…

_Maybe I shouldn't have run just now_, was Sam's last thought before she passed out.

**####**

**(A/N: Yes, I'm evil for ending it there. To be honest, I felt this chapter had gone on long enough and I also wanted to end it on an exciting note. It also turned out a little different than how I expected. Let me know what ya'll think!)**


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